10 annoying children's television shows
After writing about his dislike of Dora the Explorer last week, Ian creates a list of his least favourite children's TV shows
Photo by univrsltransl8r via Flickr.
I feel like I owe an apology to the folks at Nickelodeon in this blog entry. Last week, I suggested that Dora the Explorer was the most annoying television showfor children.
But upon further review, we are actually living in the golden age of irritating kids’ shows. In the past, parents would only have to worry about one mind-numbing program at a time. In the early '90s, there was a huge backlash against Barney, as parents often fantasized about killing the purple dinosaur. A few years later, Barney was replaced by the equally-annoying Teletubbies — as network executives thought it would be brilliant to create speechless creatures that had a television in their stomachs.
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While Barney and the Teletubbies were one-off deals, we’re now flooded with bizarre children’s television shows that make you cringe. So to follow up on last week’s entry — where I unfairly singled out Dora — here are 10 more infuriating kids’ shows that we have to deal with:
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#1. Yo Gabba Gabba
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch a children's show while on an acid trip? Yo Gabba Gabba is like you’re invited to a rave on Sesame Street. (Interesting side note: DJ Lance appears in 20 per cent of people's drug hallucinations.)
#2. Max & Ruby
I would actually like to see the pilot episode for this show, where Max and Ruby's parents are killed off by a pack of hungry wolves. The parents are never seen in this show, making Ruby the primary caregiver in the house. Max — possibly scarred from the loss of his parents and the abusive relationship with his sister — chooses not to speak.
#3. Imagination Movers
This show incorrectly gives children the idea that it's acceptable to hang out in an abandoned warehouse with four men and a rat.
#4. The Wiggles
Another show involving four unemployed men.
So many questions that need answering: Why does this kid not have any hair — isn't he like four years old? Why don't his parents put him in an extended timeout for whining? Why don't the kids in his neighbourhood just beat him to a pulp?
#6. Ni Hao, Kai-Lan
We all know this is a blatant, Asian rip-off from Dora. But the major benefit is that children at least get a basic grasp of the Mandarin language — which we will all be speaking in 20 years.
#7. Timothy Goes to School
The theme song says that "anything can happen when Timothy goes to school." In reality, nothing really happens.
#8. Wonder Pets
This show promotes an annoying speech impediment, thanks to the star character Ming-Ming. Now, a whole generation of toddlers think it's okay to ask "Are you sewious?" On the plus side, your child is likely to start eating celery. (Although they'll probably ask for "cele-wy").
#9. Blue's Clues
The only mystery that was never solved on this show: Was original host Steve really killed off because he died in real life?
#10. Thomas & Friends
Thankfully for Alec Baldwin, he landed a full-time gig on 30 Rock , otherwise he would have been stuck narrating this dull show.
You forgot the creepiest of them all - In the Night Garden. *shudder* My kids only get to watch the cartoons on Teletoon Retro. Bugs Bunny, Flintstones, etc are classics.
Why not Dora and that psychotic Map? Can he never find a route AROUND the dangerous areas?
Telly-Tubbies? I'd like to put my Tinky-Winky into Poh for a little Dipsey and go La-la.
BooBahs? Psychodelic freak-fest with characters that look like uncircusized penises.
Night Garden? Don't get me started.
Although this list is good, number one for annoying has got to be Toopy and Binoo. Not that there is anything wrong with a sexuality confused mouse who is so full of himself that one doesn't know what to be more peeved at. The constant "fabulous" references or the fact that the mouse is soooo egotistical.
Also, you missed that Blue Dragon fellow. Oh boy, does the remote fly into action when that comes on.
I too miss the Firendly Giant and Hilarious House of Frightenstein, but we had our dogs back then too. Anyone remember the show Rocket Robin Hood? It was one long commercial. Was there ever actually an episode? They just ran character development commercials all the way through.
I have a 6 and 2 yr old and I unfortunately have seen all of these and one more that needs to be on this list. Special Agent Oso is right next to Max and Ruby in terms of terrible. What kind of special agent can't remember anything at all even though he's just been told it, doesn't know what shoe goes on what foot or how to make a fricking peanut butter sandwich. I hate that show above all of them.
Phineas and Ferb on the other hand is an absolutley amazing show.
I'm concerned with Max & Ruby.
The girl needs to be more lenient with Max. She's too strict with him. All she does is ruin his playtime.
OMG - I am totally in line with your way of thinking as far as Max and Ruby - been saying the same thing since my guys started watching a couple of years ago. The Wot Wots and Little People (or at least the theme song) really annoy the crap out of me too. But Waybaloo should have made thi list.
Backyardigans is one of the best preschool programs out there. Even a grandmother can enjoy it, at least the first time around.
And I must defend the Night Garden. It is very soothing for one- and two-year-olds.
Sometimes I feel a bit embarrased for Derek Jacobi, though.
If proper research had been done you would have discovered that Steve opted to leave the show when the actor who portrayed him began going bald, and was thus unable to appear young any long. The character was shipped off to college and his little brother ' Joe' came on in his place.
What a lazy attempt at comedy. You've fantasized about killing Barney and watching Max & Ruby's parents get torn apart by wolves? Dark dude. And hilarious, calling Ni Hao, Kai-Lan an "asian ripoff" but at least we'll be able to understand our Chinese overlords when the takeover happens!
Ps. Yo Gabba Gabba is brilliant at what it does. It teaches kids morals, has outstanding black actors, and has amazing bands that guest. My kid and I love it.
My kids love****od percentage of your listed shows. Some are quite annoying, yes, but they entertained my kids so it was all good.
So as a reporter, you actually get paid to write such compelling articles as this?