What Makes Men Fall in Love
There's into you, and then there's head-over-heels gaga. These little things tip a man over that edge.
It's a baffling question: Is there some specific moment or event that makes a guy suddenly decide "Yes, I think I love her"? Well, the answer isn't clear-cut, but there are some general principles. "Men have certain innate needs that must be met before they truly feel connected to you," says Paul Dobransky, MD, author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. "When a guy realizes, consciously or not, that you're ideal on all these levels, that's when he'll commit."
Boiled down, guys have four primal relationship desires that are sometimes sated by the tiniest of moves by you. Here, experts explain with examples so you can put these insights to use when your guy is at the brink.
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The Desire: To Protect
Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good. "Not that you should act helpless, but letting him see your vulnerable side will bring him closer because it unlocks his instincts to take care of you," says David Givens, PhD, author of Love Signals . So give him chances to take charge, and thank him after he does. When a guy associates you with feeling like Superman, of course he'll want to couple up. These little things can draw out his hero side.
Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.
Ask his opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.
Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and fur trigger an intense response in men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts.
Don his clothes. It shows that you've chosen him over other guys — sexy .
The Desire: Freedom
Even emotionally healthy men want assurance that their identities will stay put after they've become half a happy couple. "By making it clear that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel like you truly understand him but don't threaten his sense of self," says Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of Secrets You Keep from Yourself. "That leaves him feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit." The following moves let him know you're no ball and chain.
Blow him off. Men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier — and open up more — around you, but he'll also start to wonder what you're doing and pursue you more.
Share your own fears. Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing, let him know. He'll be reassured that you're navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.
Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then — say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. — remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks.
Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.
The Desire: To Shine
Maybe he's cocky, but he's still insecure. Trust us, guys need to know that they're respected and appreciated. "When being around you increases a guy's esteem, both internally and in the eyes of others, he'll naturally want to be attached to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things that show your high value and nudge him toward love.
Make him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance during sex. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he's crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times, you'll become indispensable.
Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new friends...whatever.
Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess — like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess — can prod his passion. It sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes.
Act like the grand prize. Seeing you through other people's eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event where you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or have him stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a bar.
The Desire: Comfort
"Falling in love is a process of developing attachment, which happens when oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. You can unleash those love hormones by making him feel like you two just "fit." When he's so comfortable with you that he stops thinking about your relationship and simply enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love territory. Take these tips.
Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache).
Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner à deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.
Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Sleep with him. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.
What Yanks Him Back from the Brink
Some factors can derail a guy who's about to fall.
1) They Get a New Opportunity
A promotion often means spending more hours at work or taking a schedule-chewing class. Instead of balancing that with their love lives, guys tend to prioritize their careers and believe that a solid relationship will endure the delay. So if something big is brewing, he may hold himself back.
2) You Never Fight
Sure, guys hate arguing, but it's worse if you don't react negatively at all when he's screwed up. A guy will worry that (a) you're going to lash out later, (b) you're a doormat, or (c) you're not into him enough to care. Any of these will make him rethink your budding relationship.
3) Pure Panic
Many men worry that if they commit, they'll have to give something up — friends, dart night, something. So when a guy realizes he's fallen for you, he may freak out and pull away for a while. If you can weather his big-baby behavior without reacting in a way that confirms those fears, he should snap out of it.
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37 yo man and been in love once. first it was her beauty ( in my eyes ). then it was the fact that we clicked. then it was the fact that i knew how important i was to her. just then i had enough security to completely let my heart go.
after that she could do no wrong. it wasnt her victorias secret account, or cooking.
she simply opened her self up to me in a way that no woman had done before.
and ladies dont open your legs before you have the guys heart. we will just sleep with you and move on. its our nature. and there is nothing i hate to see more than a woman being taken advantage of. i respect women very much , i think women are the givers of life and without them there would be no life.
try to open your self up to a guy quickly and he will fall in love. just make sure you are in control while youre doing it so you dont end up getting hurt.
I will simplify it again for all of you out there.
In order for us guys to fall in love, the girl has to:
Be sexy, cook well, does not nag, respect the Hockey or Soccer night, and have an account in Victoria's Secret website.
This is all it takes us guys to fall in Love. See, we are simple.
I agree with lots of things in here except for "blowing him off" ofcourse. when a woman plays mind games with me i can usually tell, in which case i have two choices... play mind games too which i refuse to do or forget about her completly. The rest of the stuff in the article are true but in a sense mind games too. As for cooking together i think it really depends on the person, personally i really enjoy teaming up for cooking as long as we know who takes the lead role.
get it in your head, ladies, there's nothing you can do but be yourself.
if you aren't good enough, that sucks and i'm sorry.
The above suggestions are great for keeping men interested but as for falling in love....that is something that just happens.....and you can't make someone fall in love with you. Men seem to know inherently if you are the one. My husband knew almost immediately that I was the one and I knew he was the one. We just felt it. We just clicked. I didn't have to work at getting him to love me or to try to analyze this or analyze that. The key is just to let things flow and happen naturally and not spend too much time trying to "make" something happen.
NOw that I am single again I am finding that being a little hard to get, as in being independent and not clingy and whiney seems to work wonders. The men become way more interested and pursue me sometimes to the point of annoyance. NOt being available for all invitations and even canceling the occasional date, not calling very often, doing my own thing. I don't sit and wait for them. If they call they call if they don't oh well moving right along!
Why are men like buses? ALways another one along in 15 minutes.
Interesting… I would want to hear what this author has to say in vice-versa as to what would make women fall in love.. Perhaps him being fit to take on the role of the breadwinner and his mucho attitude. Seriously in what year was this written? If, I as a women had to do all that to make him fall for me.. I would rather have him not love me at all. How long can a women keep up these prescribed acts anyway some day she’s gotta be herself.
mmmmmm....What makes us fall in Love?
Sexy, good cook, doesn't nag, respects the Hockey or Soccer night, and must have an account with Victoria's Secret.
I think I said it all. See, we men are simple.
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