PHOTO: Masterfile

PHOTO: Masterfile

Sex isn't about the destination; it's about the means of traveling. Well, that's a lovely sentiment, but if it takes five buses, two trains and a plane to arrive at Destination Orgasm, the journey can get a tad tedious! That's why I want to teach you the way to Destination Faster Orgasms instead. Men rarely have problems reaching orgasm. Women usually do. The good news is, there's a lot you can do to speed up your orgasms:

Prime yourself for sex by turning yourself on beforehand.
Even if you're out to dinner with friends, while he's talking, think about what that tongue will do to you later, how much you'd rather his fingers be inside you than wrapped around that beer glass, you get the picture.

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Do your Kegel exercises.
Several factors seem to influence whether women have both multiple and vaginal orgasms (as opposed to clitoral orgasms which are more common): You can't control the sensitivity of your G spot and other internal spot. But you can strengthen your PC muscles by doing your Kegel exercises. Also, be sure you're being flexible when it comes to trying different stimulation and orgasm triggers. In other words, when one technique brings you to orgasm quickly, make a note of what worked so you can try it again!

Match your foreplay to your mood.
If you're feeling really horny, odds are good that you'll want to hastily apply some lubricant and get him to penetrate with no foreplay at all. If you're feeling only so-so sexy, lots of oral sex might be necessary to get you anywhere close to orgasm.

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The better he can control his orgasm, the better your chances are for having more orgasms.
As you're stimulating him, get him to rate how turned on he's feeling on a scale from one to 10 (10 being the no-looking-back-now point). Drive him to distraction by revving him up to a seven or eight, then slowing it down again, several times over before letting him go all the way. Make frequent contact with his penis. If your hand, tongue or vagina touch it more frequently, it will be less sensitive to the touch and he'll last longer. If he starts to feel out of control, try giving him a squeeze. Squeezing the base of the penis firmly for a few seconds can delay ejaculation.

What type of orgasm are you aiming for?
If it's clitoral, choose a position where one of you can easily reach your clitoris to stimulate it with your fingers (or better yet, hold a small vibrator there). It's not cheating; it's simply acknowledging that's how our bodies work! If it's a front wall (G-spot) orgasm you want, try a a rear-entry sex position or a you-on-top sex position so his penis is angled the right way. Spread your vaginal lips once he's inside and press them against him to get maximum friction on your clitoris and the area surrounding the urethra. There's plenty of evidence to prove this area is also packed with nerve endings.

How he thrusts is also incredibly important: The traditional "jack hammer" style, deep, repetitive in-and-out thrusting, is about as effective as using a fork to spread butter. Instead, get him to grind his pelvis and move in circles, rather than up and down. The aim is to keep as much of the base of his penis in contact with the whole of the vulva as consistently as possible. Tell him to keep thrusting in short and shallow motions, rather than deep and fast.

Use different stimulation for each orgasm.
You have a better chance of having more than one orgasm if it's via a different means. Alternate oral sex with intercourse with digital stimulation. (By "digital stimulation" I mean "finger stimulation," rather than digital as in television, but while we're on the topic, a bit of porn playing in the background could be just what you need!) If he's too close to orgasm, change the technique you're using. Get him to give you oral sex until he feels more in control.

Breathe.
How you breathe is important, though not all experts agree on the best method! Some say that holding your breath when you orgasm heightens the sensation. Others say that holding your breath forces oxygen-giving blood to flow toward your brain and away from your genitals. Continuing to breathe deeply through orgasm is recommended by spiritual sex devotees who claim deep breathing makes it more likely for you to have a second one. While yet more experts say if you want to feel your orgasm over a wider area, start with regular deep breaths and then start panting just before orgasm. Who's right? It's about what works for you, so give them all a try!

Pay attention to what your body does just before orgasm.
Knowing your orgasm triggers is incredibly helpful because, the more your brain travels a certain path neurologically, the more effortless it becomes. The more signposts of impending orgasm your brain can recognize, the easier it will trigger the orgasmic response. Focus on what you naturally do on approach to orgasm, then exaggerate it. If you go quiet and hold your breath, try doing that the next time you're about to climax (though possibly not for terribly long!). If you notice you tense your toes, do that. Get to the point where your brain thinks, Aha! She's holding her breath and flexing her toes, which means she wants to orgasm. Better get cracking then and make it happen! And don't forget to make noise. It sounds and feels sexy, and a sexy environment can be very persuasive to your body.

Give up on worrying about wobbly bits.
If your partner isn't someone you can let go with—without fear of criticism!—they're not the right choice of partner for you in—or out—of the bedroom.

Slow his orgasm down.
Yes, it's bloody annoying that he can orgasm with one hand behind his back (literally). But he's jealous of your ability to hover in the oh-good-Lord-I'm-just-about-there stage for ages. You envy his speed. He envies that you get to pause and enjoy the journey. Anything that slows him down increases his enjoyment. Anything that speeds you up increases your enjoyment. Show each other exactly what works to achieve this. Stop worrying that he'll find your requests weird. A finger inserted up your bottom at just the right moment, for instance, works wonders to tip women over the edge. Many women don't make that request simply because they're concerned their boyfriend might find it "promiscuous." Quite frankly, the majority of men would love to think you're secretly "promiscuous." So speak up!

Masturbate with him, rather than alone.
If you don't have an orgasm during intercourse, give yourself one afterward. He can watch or place his hand over yours. Masturbate more often as well: Researchers claim it increases your sexual appetite because the more sex we have, the more sex our bodies crave, even expect.

Fantasize if it helps you reach orgasm.
Many women and men use fantasy to launch themselves into orgasmic orbit; some can't achieve orgasm without it. Don't feel guilty! Hearing about your fantasies might turn him on, but if you don't want to share, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. He can't read your mind, remember?

Information is current as of the original date of publication.

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