Caught Cheating in the Digital Age
It's no secret that technology can play a role in infidelity. In fact, it can make cheating both easier to do and harder to hide.
From AshleyMadison.com, the site that aids and abets cheaters, to CheaterAlert.com, one of many that blacklists them, the business of infidelity has definitely gone high-tech. We asked TheNest.com community to share their stories about what happens when bad behavior gets busted by a BlackBerry (or an iPhone or laptop...).
"It's easier to catch now because stuff on Facebook, texts, and so on doesn't go away easily. My best friend caught her husband cheating based on things she found on his Facebook account and explicit text messages she spotted on his phone." TColeman
"My boyfriend (at the time) was freaking out about work so he lied and said he was on a business trip instead of just saying he couldn't hang out that week. He made the mistake of going into too much detail and even named the conference he was going to. One very quick online search later, it was clear he wasn't at a meeting in Florida...but, in fact, was right at his work desk down the street." LaurieAmanda
"My really good friend was sure that her boyfriend was still calling his ex, but she couldn't get her grubby paws on his cell phone for proof (I think it goes without saying that this was a really bad relationship). Anyway, she went to The Spy Shop and bought a sound-activated voice recorder that switched on when it heard a noise and planted it in the apartment. The thing worked perfectly, and it recorded her boyfriend's half of the calls he made in the apartment for the next week or so. Of course, it turned out that he was calling his ex (not such a big surprise when you think about it), and my friend heard every word that he'd said." Oversharer
"I think Facebook, email, and texting all make it easier for a false sense of intimacy to develop. But I also think that new technologies make it much, much easier to catch someone. I know a woman who downloaded spyware onto her husband's BlackBerry, so that his text messages were uploaded to a website that she accessed with a password. She was able to determine that the contact he was having with a woman was inappropriate (not work-related like he'd claimed). I've also heard about keystroke loggers and even spyware for phones that will send a text message when the 'target' person calls a specific number. Then you can call the target phone, and you'll be silently patched in to the phone call so you can listen in. Crazy! The bottom line, for me, is that the person has to be trustworthy and have a good character. If they do, none of these things will matter." Sapphireblue
"Seems like, at the very least, more people are told about the cheater's shenanigans after the discovery." ReturnOfKuus
"I caught my then-fiance sexting with two ex girlfriends. It was easy for him to delete the text messages -- he covered his tracks well. It was the naked pictures of the girls that he could not part with as easily. Don't get me wrong, the pictures were well hidden in his BlackBerry, but I dug and dug until I found something. I think technology makes us more aware that infidelity is out there; we're more on edge and looking all the time. What ever happened to the day that you figured out your husband or wife was cheating because they didn't come home at night?" Corsgirl
From The Nest
To make it short, I believe new technologies bring a wonderful challenge; that is, to trust or break.
WoW-This sounds like James Bond stuff!
Now that "Your" so proud of yourself&your spying;What next?
From what I read here-It's( mostly) Women but no matter!
Just how many of you "people" really try to find out Why he/she felt the need to cheat & try to fix the problem(verses running away)!
Would guess that most who cheat are missing something in thier relationship(that needn't be missing) if they& thier partner were open enough with each other& had some give&take!
A lot of us have been divorced & with 20/20 hindsight(if we choose to be honest with ourselves) know that we SHOULD have been doing "something" Differant to keep the other from straying but we were either too self absorbed or too lazy to make the effort--Then we can PLAY the Marter by saying how Bad the other was!
To keep any relationship going we need to actually put effort into it(but the effort needs to be personal(giving of ourselves)not money or doing the housework !
Seems to me that the time,money&effort that goes into these spy things could(&should) be used to fix your relationship!
Those who draw such a hard line in the sand have obviously never been strung along by a lying, cheating spouse. Lucky them! They can emotionally afford to take a risk on trusting a spouse who they think "might" be cheating. Those of us who have been burned so badly cannot afford another emotional hit of that magnitude. I'm not talking about just cheating. There are the types of people, both men and women, who feed off of the energy and living on the edge mentality at the expense of others. When they leave, they leave a trail of heartbreak, emotional and physical abuse and financial ruin behind them. There's no harm in listening to your gut; call it stalking, call it whatever you want. The bottom line is protection and self-preservation is necessary in this life - sometimes you just can't take things forgranted. I've been on
cheateralert.com and it seems like it's a site to help. Not to bash people. I like that and I will be recommending it to anybody, male or female that might be interested in it. If you have an honest relationship - congratulations! I mean it. If your relationship is good, your partner will have no problem with registering your relationship. It's the squeaky wheels that often have the most to be concerned about. Just my opinions. Take it or leave it.
People if you look at statistics 78% of men cheat on their partners and 76% of women cheat on their partners.
It is very sad and depressing and it makes me not even want to date or have any relationship again.
Hahaha, You gotta love this world of ours. I would be kind of flattered if a lady thought enough of me to see if I was dipping my wick somewhere else.
That was kind of cool. lol. I bet he don't think you are a dummy now.
I have a feeling that my hubby cheating on-line.
Is anyway I can open his password?
August 2009- We had been together 5 years, shared a daughter together and a step-daughter, we discussed getting married in the Dominican Republic in Feb, 2010 and having another baby shortly thereafter.
2 weeks later she went to Las Vegas with her sister and best friend. I didnt hear from her at all for the entire 4 days (phonecalls, e-mails ..nothing) ..... and I had this strong gut feeling telling me something here wasnt right.
So I installed a keylogger on the home computer and 3 days after she got back I learned she had met an old fling on Facebook 3 months prior and met in Vegas for a romp in the sack during her trip.
After learning this ..... I copied and forwarded all of the explicit ****-rated e-mails , text exchanges , etc. to everyone in her e-mail contact list (mother, father, sister, employer etc.) just letting everyone know as to the reason why our family would be breaking apart and who was to blame for it.
But now that "idiot" has our children ..... and I only get to see them once or twice a month which really sucks so I feel like I'm the one who ended up losing the most for her stupidity.
I understand why some might resort to this type of thing but I feel that for myself if I dont feel I can trust my partner and think they are lying then why am I with them . I would end the relationship and move on . I know that this sounds harsh but it works both ways ,,,if my partner is innocent of any wrong doing and I cant believe it then there wasnt much of a relationship there anyway .
Here to Serve and Protect Your Hearts and Minds
The Love Cop
There are, however, many different circumstances that should not be ignored. Like if you have children. It's not so easy to 'just' leave a relationship when there are children involved. And breaking up is only so easy when you're in your first years of your relationship. What about couples that have been married for 20 years? Should they just break it off? Or like reasonable adults maybe they should be assessing their relationship to see what factors played into the infidelity? Was the cheating party feeling neglected? Have you been completely disinterested in sex? Were you having other marital issues and he/she looked to a friend for some companionship that went too far?
On the spying end people feel the need to snoop because they are feeling insecure, and more often than not the person they are snooping on gave them reason to feel that way. I am not trying to justify cheating, or snooping for that matter, but it is important to look at all of the factors here. While the one that is cheating is the easiest to blame, it is important to look at the reasons why they cheated. The cheater more often than not isn't the only one at fault. I have never cheated (or snooped) myself, and I would like to think that if my fiance ever cheated I would be able to look at the whole picture and decide from there whether or not our relationship was worth saving.
I caught my common law wife cheating on my by using a simple program I grabbed off the web which recorded all our phone calls. Simply plugged in the phone jack into the pc, then the phone into the next slot. I played them back for her - she nearly fainted.
Couple years later I caught another girlfriend cheating by getting a keylogger onto her pc, which gave me access to her facebook, hotmail - etc. Mailed her the screen prints and never heard from her again.
My current girlfriend was into cyber-sx very early on in our relationship - however it was not with me. Again, I used the trusty ol keylogger to get her info, took screenshots of conversations (unbelievably x-rated) and confronted her. Being that she didn't physically cheat, we're trying to work out our problems.
Each time I spied, something had tipped me into believing something was wrong, so I feel no guilt for what I've done.
My boyfriend is currently in BC for the entire summer, and no I do not feel that he would cheat, nor would I. It's called trust. Even if by chance he did, I still would not feel the need to go through his phone, emails, facebook or whatever he uses. I would simply confront him - based on his expressions on the subject I'm sure you could tell true from false.
Main point though, if you have to spy on your loved ones - you shouldn't be in the relationship.
to all who feel it's an invasion of privacy and a non-trust issue - you should read this blog and some of the other links from it. i always thought that as well and it lead me to question and rationalize all those little "signs" right out of the way. suspicion is not a good way to act in a relationship, BUT, when those signs start popping up,it's important to GET YOUR ANSWERS!
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