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Updated: February 5, 2013 9:00 AM
Marriage Counsellors: "The Trickiest Relationship Issues We've Ever Solved"

It used to be cheating, parenting styles, and money management, but now a whole new crop of issues is plaguing married couples. But, it turns out, with some sound counselling, they're actually way easier to solve.



What brought them here: A Facebook affair (© Thomas Tolstrup/Getty Images)
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What brought them here: A Facebook affair

Darren Wilk, a certified Gottman Couples Therapist in private practice in Vancouver, British Columbia, says that 30 to 40 per cent of the couples he treats are trying to recover from some form of infidelity. When he met Megan, her Facebook friendship with an old flame had progressed to exchanging not-so-innocent messages about "being each other's old crush," and ultimately, an affair that was discovered by Megan's husband, Paul. "The problem with Facebook is that it makes people feel as though they can be more vulnerable when they're behind the computer screen," says Wilk. "Couples who were once able to reach out to their partner may now find it easier to get their emotional needs met online."

17Comments
Feb 6, 2013 8:00AM
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Facebook should be avoided at all costs... all those old flames are better left in the past... the past belongs to the past... whatever did not end up happening did not for a reason... 
I repeat it, avoid it at all cost...
Live in the present... as Bob said, let the dead bury the dead... however it may be interpreted
Feb 6, 2013 9:54AM
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There's something wrong if people allow a site like Facebook to influence their relationship. 

How does the name FB even deserve to be considered a tricky relationshi****ue? More like lack of self awareness or common sense.
Feb 6, 2013 11:33AM
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Facebook is dangerous for society even if individuals aren't partaking in dubious moral behavior...This social trend of moving online, fostering shallow but meaningless relationships, shallow and meaningless communication is detrimental on many, many levels.

 

As a society we need to unplug...stick to REALITY and real relationships, real learning, real connection. This sound bite, video bite, digital way of thinking and living is only causing greater mental stress in what was an already stressed world.

Feb 6, 2013 9:46AM
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It was a year ago today that I discovered my husband of 15 years was having an online affair through Facebook ( Weird that this article showed up on the same day). We have gotten back together but the trust is no longer there and the pain is still as fresh. He was speaking to a woman that has been married 3 times, ten years younger than him and lived n a different country. When I discovered this I went on line and found out where she worked, who she is married too, address, even her church. The only reason I did not send the messages to her husband was because I was worried he would go after my husband and my children would have to see. I, to this day, want to make her life a living hell. She just returned to her everyday life with no one being the wiser, but I am left to pick up the pieces of my life.
Feb 6, 2013 3:16PM
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My advice to anybody that is going to have affairs, DON'T, if you can't fix your marriage then leave. Why put your spouse through the agony of you having an affair because you cannot talk to her/him about what is going on.  TRUST is a big issue when it comes to marriage/relationship. When u have an affair, the TRUST is gone and will never get it back. If you have children, think of how this will affect them. 

You only care about your needs. How can an affair from miles away replace what you have at home. You cannot have sex with your lover, you just talk about your problems, sex. Some people even go on skype to msn webcam to do some **** with sex  without touching each other. This affair is mostly to do with sex.  The excitement of what the person likes in bed, or even seeing the person's private parts (webcam) just to please themselves. 

Leave the relationship if you don't think your spouse is worth fixing to keep. When you are separated then mess around all you like but don't hurt the person who has been with you and you had children with, you chose this because you wanted a family ....... if you wanted the single life, you should not have gotten married period. 
Feb 6, 2013 12:25PM
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Ahhhh yes, good ol' Facebook. People, please let me point something out in case you have not yet realized this.

FB is ONLY good for 2 things: 
- Stalking ex's to relive how much better life 'could' have been. 
- Running a compare-a-thon against how ever many 'friends' you have...."Only 3 more days 'til MEXICO!!!!'. Yeah guess what....nobody gives a s***.

Oh and also. Kids ruin everything. I say this *somewhat* tongue in cheek, but for real, as soon as that kids drops, your world is destroyed. 

If you have a small one, and you ever want to think about having sex in the first 3 years. 2 words. SLEEP TRAINING. 

There is no reason for your 2 year old to be awake until 9pm. If you think that this is ok in your household, then ok cool, guess what, your husband will disappear from about 6-7pm onwards, and/or your wife will be way too tired for getting freaky. 

In short; my advice is this. 

Don't be stupid. Get **** FB out of your house. Put your kids to bed early. It'll take about a week to get it done, but once done its awesome. 
Feb 6, 2013 2:59PM
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Agree.......facebook is a place people are looking to have affairs...... some of them met on texas holdem poker then proceed to facebook to continue.......I know lots of people that are doing it on my facebook.........and one of the told me he is not messing around with his married lady friend but I know he is .........and strange enough, not sure where her husband is, because she is on facebook all day with my single male friend. 
Feb 6, 2013 5:47PM
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From sex less than once a month to sex twice a week... LOL, yeah right!!! Let me sign up for this class right now...
Feb 6, 2013 11:43PM
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FB affairs? The most stupid and unromantic thing to do. Unfortunately, it is easy, can be addicted and uncontrollable. FB is a great thing if one uses it properly, to exchange news, happenings, interesting photos, sharing big events. The most important thing is to keep ones privacy. Those who can handle it, eventually end up in a big trouble. It can be sad same for alcohol, sex addiction, etc. It is a human nature and someone may get hurt from time to time. How prevalent is the problem with FB affairs? Nobody really knows...
Oct 30, 2013 7:37AM
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Oh you people, first of all people allow themselves to be launched in these situations.I've been there but, as long as you have respect for the one you are engaged or married to you just CAN NOT allow yourself to fall in the FaceBook trap. 
But what is Facebook?
Facebook is a propaganda tool, it allows you to advertise your own self, I mean, unless you're a businessman looking to publicly present yourself to your audience it shouldn't be used.
Then again, FaceBook is a social medium..
No, it's not! 
It's just a way for you to loose your frustration but, you won’t!
Why?! Because it is not giving you the satisfaction of an actual talk. It just gives you the need to.. do more.. as I said, it’s a propaganda tool, just another form of manipulation. No, I am not paranoid, I just think out of the box..
Stay away from the FaceBook!, unless you’re a businessman or you need some urgent publicity..
Mar 1, 2013 8:55PM
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It is almost amusing that like many 'counsellors' the focus in this article remains firmly focused upon the superficial .  Facebook is just a tool, no more and no less than newspaper personals,grocery store pin up boards and weekday social clubs.

If the couple is focused on each other there won't be room for anyone else. Sadly though for many  partners they are so occupied with their own little world (work / children / recreation activities) that they are truly shocked when they discover their partner has found someone in the preceeding year (or years)  who is interested in them and what is going on in their world.

The first response is usually:  "but how could they???"   I paid attention to them once, why should I show any interest now, we're married !  We have children !   I don't have to try anymore, that was only necessary before (marriage, children, promotion, etc).

Seriously, so many people devote more attention to their phone, their car, their purse than they do to their spouse and yet are amazed when the person who they didn't have time or energy for found someone who did.

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