Mr. Real vs Mr. Right
The Mr. Right fantasy isn't really about holding out for excellence, says Kolod. It's an excuse to avoid intimacy. Relationships are messy and scary; they require vulnerability and a loss of control. So if we focus on an unattainable ideal, we have a ready-made excuse for not trying.
The point, however, isn't to give up what's important to you or to be with a man you're not attracted to. It's to be with someone who fits you, personally, rather than some catchall paragon of manhood.
What you should look for is a guy who shares your values, says Taitz. If you have an anything-goes attitude about sex, a guy who considers handcuffs out of bounds probably won't cut it. If you're independent, don't try to make it work with someone who needs you nearby at all times. And if you want kids, your partner should too. Try making one list of requirements and another of preferences, suggests Taitz. You might want a tall guy but need one who loves dogs.
What an interesting article. It's too bad MSN doesn't have the odd man writing some of this kind of stuff, and yes, the media trend of wonderful women BS has gone way beyond being tiresome. I've been with the same women since 1973, so I probably have very little to add to the debate other than rating someone on some sort of point system is really pathetic. I could never be so clinical about love, nor could I control who I "fell" for.
Either he or she will "rock your boat" or they won't, as my Grandmother used to say. End of checklist. Dive in, and make up the script as you go along. If it fails, so be it.
You're not just missing opportunities with the opposite sex—research shows shy people are less likely to be promoted. But you can change.
Date 10-09-07, Duration 2:23, Views 295583
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