The biggest fight in my relationship has been replayed more times than Beyoncé's tumble in Orlando. It usually happens something like this: First, after 3 or 4 hours of silent abuse by me, my boyfriend starts to suspect something's up.
"I know you're annoyed," he says. "What did I do?"
"You didn't do anything," I say. "It's fine, whatever. I'm not annoyed."
"Just tell me."
This goes on for hours until I finally blurt it out: "You didn't introduce me when we ran into that guy you work with! And why do you need to go out to brunch with your ex?" Then I feel silly for letting such small things bother me, and we laugh and roll around on the bed and all is right again in our world.
But he raises a good point: Most of the time he has no idea of what sets me off. Which is why I've prepared this handy inventory of things men tend to do that we tend to find annoying. If you study up, you'll be able to stop repelling the women you want to meet — or aggravating the one you have. And we women can continue not telling you why we're mad, because we'll figure, "Hey, he should know already!" Besides, who said this would be fair?
ANNOYANCE #1
You don't pick up after yourself at our place.
Actually, we really don't mind if you're a little messy. An empty beer bottle here or dirty T-shirt there — no problem. But when we start seeing pieces of you (literally) all over the place, we tend to go off. Like when we find your pubes all over our bar of Dove, or toenail clippings on the nightstand, or a pile of chewed-out sunflower-seed shells on the counter. Please clean that up before we see it and want to gag. And then we'll promise to be better about leaving globs of our hair in your shower drain. Do we have a deal?
Also see:
- What your spouse isn't saying
- How to talk so he'll listen
- How differences strengthen your relationship
- The secret language of close couples
ANNOYANCE #2
You ask how much our new haircut or handbag costs...
...yet conveniently don't mention your sportsbook.com account or the $200 you lost on the NCAA parlay. Until we're sharing a bank account with you, we're not all that interested in your opinions on how we should or should not spend our money. And if we are sharing a bank account, here's something you should know: Reminding us when we're in the throes of postretail bliss that we just blew all our disposable income for the month is not going to endear you to us. The perfect boyfriend response: "Wow, [fierce/sexy/hot] new [haircut/handbag/lingerie item]. I guess dinner is on me tonight!" Then wait a few days to bring up your financial concerns, by proposing we both start saving for something we want to buy together.
ANNOYANCE #3
You talk to us as if we're one of the guys.
If you have any romantic inclinations toward us, please don't call us by our last name. Otherwise we'll assume we've already been relegated to buddy status and start thinking of you that way, too. Also, you'll rarely find us holding entire conversations in Simpsons and Old School quotes. Similarly, we don't talk in numbers the same way men tend to. We're happy to see evidence of your improvements at the gym, but we really don't need to know how much you can bench press. We also couldn't care less about your day rate, the price of your car, or the number of beers you once shotgunned in college. And fantasy league — anything will make us flirt hard with the waiter. No, the conversation doesn't have to be all about us, but we do want you to shoot for topics of mutual interest.
ANNOYANCE #4
You speak of the future vaguely.
Men seem to have perfected a special way of talking about the future that makes it unclear whether we're a part of it or not. Or maybe you don't know you're doing this? For instance, you frequently mention your buddy's wedding in another state 6 months from now and you haven't asked us to go with you. Or you have a monthlong international business trip coming up but haven't asked us whether we'd like to come for a weekend visit. If you picture us in your future, try talking about these things in such a way that we'll stick around for it.
ANNOYANCE #5
You stop trying.
You have us as your wife or girlfriend. We're committed to the situation, and all is good. But pretty soon you stop trying to impress us — and we don't like that. "Now that we're married, he never tries to 'win me' anymore," says one friend. "If he wants to come on to me, he needs to ditch his gross dress socks and gym clothes and make an effort. Otherwise he ain't getting any. Also, there is less foreplay and it's more routine, which I hate. After 7 years, a man's got to bust some new moves." Or at least bring back a few of the retired ones that used to work. Like simply bringing home a pizza, a bottle of wine, and some flowers when we've had a bad day. Bring back the woo. We want the woo!
ANNOYANCE #6
You blatantly look at porn.
We don't care that you masturbate, and we can't change the fact that you might occasionally browse the fine and varied selection of naked ladies on the Internet. But if you're looking at porn on a computer we also use, kindly delete your history. We don't want amazonbabes.com to pop up every time we want to do some shopping or, worse, when your mother's over and an underwearless young starlet showing her bald spot appears as we're showing Mom something online.
ANNOYANCE #7
You turn down sex.
When it so happens that we're the one who wants sex and you're the one who doesn't, we find your refusal to be confusing and irritating. Reassure us that we're attractive and that you love us, but that you just aren't in the mood. It helps to throw out a hint at what's going on — that you're tired, depressed, anxious at work, whatever, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., a Boston area psychologist. That way we won't obsess or be too pouty or aggressive. If we happen to be fresh off a girls' night out liquored up and ready for sex, which you're refusing, tread extra carefully. Horny can change to emotional, crying wreckage very quickly when your girl has a couple of glasses of Prosecco in her.
ANNOYANCE #8
You ask us out via text.
Texting is fast and easy and leads to sexy banter — but save it until after the first date. Calling a woman to ask her out is much more personal. It takes more effort (and balls), which is exactly what we find so sexy about your doing it. Okay, it's an unfair burden for you, but it comes with an advantage: It makes you stand out from the mass of other men who text instead of calling. "So many people are conditioned to communicate through text messages that to receive a phone call or even an e-mail feels like a generously romantic gesture," says Kristina Grish, author of The Joy of Text: Mating, Dating, and Techno-Relating . Another thing: Don't include us in any mass texts you bang off to half the female names in your address book at 10 p.m., expecting one of us to come rushing out to meet you for the night. "Women know when your 'plans 2nite?' texts are generic, and when they're intended to specifically address them," Grish says. "You have so few characters to make a succinct point, but tuck an inside joke or reference into the message to make it personal, sexy, and fun."
Not all women are selfish and arrogant, and there are a lot of guys that are exactly like that. If some girl ever did that to you you don't have to take it out on other people. But in favour of you alot of the annoyances that this writer wrote girls do that guys. Girls leaving their things at the guys house, toothbrush, clothes, make up etc, guys don't mention what they spent their money on because they know that the girl will get mad at them for doing. #3 GUYS HATE when you talk to them like they are one of your girl friends, they don't like to hear, "did you hear so and so said this/did this", "the dress/shoes/bag etc is on sale" they don't like to hear crap liek that that's what girl friends are for. Basically any of these annoyances you can turn around to what guys hate that girls do, except maybe porn, a lot of guys like it when they girl watches porn with them when they want them to join them.
so before you start bashing men again, you should think about if women do it, too, and it's up to the guy's girlfriend to tell them what wrong and what they don't like, and if the girl has to act like a little kid and say "nothing is wrong" for a day, they need to grow up. guys can't read minds, if they did they wouldn't ask you whats wrong. And guys hate it when you say "nothing" they just get annoyed and give up which makes the girl even more mad, so instead of playing games, just tell him right away that way both of you feel better sooner.
Gotta say, I agree with some of it, and then a lot of it I thought was sort of pretentious and selfish. If I was sharing a bank account with my partner, depending on our financial situation, I'd be a little concerned over their spending habits. As well, I don't like the assumption that women can't enjoy being "one of the guys" as though Simpsons' and Old School quotes are strictly enjoyed by men. Or the assumption that the ladies can't enjoy porn as well.
So, great concept maybe, but steeped in way to many generalizations and stereotypes to really applly well.
Lmfao that was the most entertaining article I've read in a long time. Especially with all the 'you should just know references'.... lol JUST SAY WHAT YOU FEEL. This whole article could be written from this perspective: Instead of expecting us to know that everything you say means something else, just SAY WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND. I personally find women who play those mind games like 'you should have just known' to be ridiculously and irritating, and immature to a point as well. Immature, I say, because I personally think of women who cannot speak their minds to be incompetent on their own; you're practically depending on finding a man that will do all the thinking and working for you. Show some confidence by just saying EXACTLY what you mean. When you speak your mind, It shows you're capable of speaking and handling things for yourself, with or without us. We like to know you're gonna be ok when we aren't around.
And I also laughed a lot about the part about shopping.... If I'm sharing a bank account with some woman, I'm sure as hell not gonna 'wait a few days' to bring up the fact that we have no money for more important things. Why the hell would we procrastinate when WE HAVE NO MONEY NOW because you HAD to buy a damn purse? You women see everything so wrong because the way the media warps your fragile little minds at young ages. THE PURSE CAN WAIT. I'm not gonna suffer financially because of a purse or hairdo; you DONT NEED IT: you look fine the way you are; that's why we are with you in the first place.
My point is, just say whats on your mind. We shouldn't have to guess (or 'just know') what you mean/are thinking, THIS is the reason most couples argue, and a lot of arguing and fighting can be avoided by just speaking frankly.
P.S. LOL i just reread the article to see if i missed anything, and I laughed again when I read the part about "Wow, [fierce/sexy/hot] new [haircut/handbag/lingerie item]. I guess dinner is on me tonight!", and then I scrolled down and read "We also couldn't care less about your day rate, the price of your car, or".... well guess what ladies? That day rate just bought you that purse, and If you paid attention to how much that day rate was, you'd realize it ain't enough to buy the purse AND dinner. You women are so complicated, and society has bred and raised you to stay that way. It's almost 2010 ladies, get smart.
There are good people out there. Even the ones you are describing have a some hope. They have just been conditioned to act that way. Don't perform the silent treatment, talk to them , have a mutual conversation with no feeling of annoyance or hate, that won't get anyone anywhere. Talk with real emotion and do it intelligently, that way both parties will be satisfied. You may not agree with each other but at least everyone knows who is feeling what.
Comment on ANNOYANCE #7. When it so happens that men don't want to have sex, stop and think, How is this possible? How eager are women to jump into bed with there partner after a night out with the boys? You find them sexy when they can't look you in the eye because they are seeing two of you? Don't expect to get busy when you get home, you may be slurring your words or too drunk to even do anything. It may be fun but only when both parties are in the mood. I know I don't find a drunk person attractive. So don't take offense or get emotional, ask yourself how would you feel being the other person. We may have had World unity by now if everyone is sympathetic towards other peoples needs, not your own. Treat unto others as you would like to be treated. A lot about another person can be found out by self reflection.
Thank you for reading this comment.
Here is a 1/2 witted comment from a psychologist
"When it so happens that we're the one who wants sex and you're the one who doesn't, we find your refusal to be confusing and irritating. Reassure us that we're attractive and that you love us, but that you just aren't in the mood. It helps to throw out a hint at what's going on — that you're tired, depressed, anxious at work, whatever, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., a Boston area psychologist"
How many times have we "the guys" come home from a night on the own feeling somewhat frisky and got nothing less than the cold shoulder...
Give me a break!
In Dr. Zoldbrod's mind it is do what "we" the females expect or do without.
If your looking for a sympathetic gesture you may find it between "S---t and Syphilis in the dictionary of life.
This is a cop out and promotes more of the "its all about me" female attitude when it comes to sex.
Ken in Edmonton
&
kidsonaplane
word, son!!!!!!!!!!
I would just like to note that this article is promoting discord and fighting in couples.As one of the commenter said,just be honest and straight forward with your man and tell him exactly what you want or what makes you feel bad or disrespected.Another point would be that if you don't like so many things about your man.You should ask yourself if he was the same way in the beginning.What is so different?You fell for those qualities and flaws he has so don't complain about it now because maybe YOU are the one who is giving up on trying.Don't try to tell us that you cannot avoid brunch with your ex as the article said,that is silly and suspicious.It would make any caring partner suspicious to say the least.Don't act like a promiscuous brainwashed little toy around our friends and if we do not introduce you,you might as well introduce yourself...You are an independent superwomen with all the rights and privileges offered by western society aren't you?Last but not least we do not care the slightest bit about your handbags shoes or other trinkets you might want,let me repeat....WE DO NOT CARE EVEN A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ANY OF THAT RUBBISH YOU HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED WITH!!!What we do care about is concrete stuff like an empty bank account especially if you splurged on useless tricks.We love you for who you are and how you look,not the slightest bit about your worthless fashion tantrums.Are you trying to impress someone else with this?Yes you are so spend your own money on it and leave our money in our bank account so that we can provide everything you actually need like a roof over your head,food on the table and proper entertainment for the both of us.Most of the "annoyances" mentioned int his article are pointless and are easily fixable considering the women in question is not a paid feminazi promoting men inferiority and selfishness.AUTHOR OF THIS ARTICLE IS THE KIND OF WOMEN GUYS DONT LIKE SO PLEASE GIRL'S DO TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT AS IT IS BIASED AND WILL MOST LIKELY NOT HELP YOUR RELATION.
Love your man as much as he loves you and when the fire dies go away and try with the next one.Mind games are for high school kids and selfish people.
Good day to real lovers.Understand each other and work your way around trivial **** like this.
Thanks and i knew i was not alone in my beliefs.