What He's Hiding From You
Even if he's not concealing a Tiger-size secret, chances are, the guy who shares your bed is up to some sneaky stuff, according to our survey of more than 1,000 men. We reveal their eye-opening admissions.
Late last summer, Elin Nordegren reportedly confessed to feeling "stupid" and "embarrassed" that she didn't realize her golf-pro husband was having multiple affairs. The obvious question: Had she been ignoring the warning signs, or was Tiger Woods just really, really good at subterfuge? Another burning query on many women's minds: Could the guy I love be keeping any dark secrets from me?
To find out, WH teamed up with its brother publication, Men's Health , to conduct a poll of nearly 2,000 people (thefemale confessions are in this month's MH ) to find out what couples are keeping from each other. The first thing to note: Seventy-seven percent of the guys said it's perfectly fine to keep secrets in a relationship. Here, the clandestine thoughts and actions you'll definitely want to know about:
23 Percent of Men Have Cheated on Their Current Partner
(And another 31 percent said they'd cheat if they could get away with it.) There's no sugarcoating this info: Guys are tempted to stray. And their reasons for doing so are both sexual and emotional. Thirty-one percent of the cheaters say they strayed because they were bored in bed, and 24 percent said it was because they no longer felt desired by their partner. "Women make a huge mistake in assuming that men don't need to feel wanted in the same way that females do," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good .
Your Move You can deal with both issues by pouncing on him more often—it keeps him guessing and lets him know you're hot for him. Wake him up with oral sex or just straddle him when he gets home from work. And don't phone in foreplay. Softly stroke his face, rub his shoulders, and make out as passionately as you did when you first got together.
45 Percent Think About Other Women During Sex
"Guys have a roster of images they use for fantasizing, and they're constantly adding new ones to the mix," says Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women . "It can be anyone: a porn star, an actress, his coworker, your sister, or the waitress who poured his coffee at the diner this morning." And while this sucks to hear, it's totally normal. "I'm surprised more men didn't confess to doing this," says Herbenick. "How long intercourse lasts depends, in part, on his ability to stay aroused, and giving in to an exciting fantasy during sex can keep him going."
Your Move Don't stress about it, says Herbenick. It doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you or wishes he were in bed with someone else. But if the thought of this really bugs you, make sex more intimate by turning on the lights or flipping into a position that allows for more eye contact (such as missionary or girl on top).
55 Percent Watch Porn At Least Every Week
Plain and simple: Straight guys like looking at naked women. And since porn offers so many outrageous sexual scenarios, it could also be a way for him to "experience" crazy sex without actually going there. Wondering when guys cram in all this erotic viewing? It often takes place when you're not home, while you're sleeping, or when he's at work.
Your Move "Women often assume that men use porn when they're dissatisfied with their sex life, but a movie can't compare to being with a real woman," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First . So don't sweat it. Glimpsing at porn a couple of times a week is normal. But if you suspect he's developed a big-time porn habit (one sign is that he's glued to his computer late at night and snaps it shut when you walk into the room) or he's not initiating sex as much as he used to, then you might have a reason for concern. To address the problem without making him feel like a freak, Kerner suggests saying something lighthearted like, "Hey, there's a real-live woman over here who really wants to have sex with you!" Chances are, that's all the encouragement he'll need.
17 Percent have Faked an Orgasm
Quickened breathing, loud gasps, and clenched muscles aren'tjust female ploys—some men resort to them too. "If a man's erection is starting to fade, he might fake an orgasm to avoid being humiliated in front of his partner," says Lori Buckley, Psy.D., a sex therapist in Pasadena, California. A few common erection killers: feeling pressure to perform when he's not in the mood, first-time jitters (he's intimidated by how hot you are), and being drunk or tired. Hey, it happens.
Your Move The only way you'd know if he didn't climax is if you slyly inspected the condom (please don't!) or, if he was ungloved, you didn't feel the physical sensation of his ejaculation.
Suspect he's putting on a show? Don't be offended, says Buckley. If he hasn't hit his peak—and you've already climaxed—take a break to kiss or go down on each other. For a guy, seeing a woman in the throes of pleasure is like hitting the sexual jackpot—andthat can be enough to get him where he wants to go. "Ultimately, a fake O once in a blue moon is probably situational and nothing to worryabout," says Kerner. "But if you think it's happening often, ask him about it in a nonaccusatory way."
41 Percent have Snooped Through their partner's E-mail or Phone
"Networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Four Square offer so many avenues into what your partner is thinking that snooping can become irresistible," says Benjamin R. Karney, a professor of psychology at the University of California at Los Angeles. In fact, women do it too: Our WH/MH poll found that 50 percent of chicks are guilty of cyber-sleuthing.
Your Move "If you think he's snooping or you've caught him red-handed, ask yourself if there's a reason he might be worried. Do you have a close guy friend he hasn't met? Is your ex still around?" says Karney. Askhim, "What did you think you'd find?" Tell him that if he wants to know anything, he should just ask you. (And then go change your passwords.)
47 Percent say they Masturbate weekly (and 17 Percent Do It Daily)
Weirdly, it's often a good sign. "Men usually masturbate more when they're having regular sex," says Kerner. "The more sex he's having, the higher his libido and the more he'll feel like having sex. So if you're not around, he may take matters into his own hands." And sometimes he's just lazy—he wants a quick release and lacks the energy for the real thing.
Your Move Nada. "Men produce 10 times more testosterone than women do, so it's common for them to feel urges more often," says Kerner. "If he's masturbating, that probably means he's sexually satisfied."
More from Women's Health:
- What to Do If He's Keeping Secrets
- Is Fidelity Obselete?
- The Best Sex Positions You've Never Tried
- 11 Things Men Love About Women
- Have Great Morning Sex
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