Ever thought about cheating? (C'mon, not even once?) If you have, trust us - it's normal, especially if your relationship gets overrun by the stress and lack of privacy of parenting. But read this before you consider doing anything more than just fantasizing
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The hottie at the gym. Your sweet coworker. The UPS guy. Nearly all women fantasize about cheating at some point in their relationship, but only a fraction of those women actually go through with it. We talked to women who did: Before you even think about having an affair, here are 20 things they wish they'd known.
It Probably Started Out "Innocently"
Unless you were married to a total jerk and spent every free hour on Ashley Madison looking for an extramarital bedmate, chances are you didn't set out to cheat. Maybe you were bored and lonely, or just vaguely unsatisfied. Perhaps you "reconnected" on Facebook, forged a friendship at work or started flirting with a friend. At some point, the line between right and wrong got blurry...but in hindsight, all of the signs were there.
Pretty good, up until "An affair can actually strengthen your marriage". How many couples have you met that have had their marriages strengthen by this? Go back and see them 5 years, even two years later. You'll see the cracks in the relationship.
I cheated on a boyfriend in university. I made myself sick, guilty, anxiety-ridden for what? For a couple of months of sex. Sooooo not worth it. I was on the other side of things when my boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me. I tried forgiving; but I could never forget. Despite all the best intentions and councelling, the old habits crept back. I never trusted him again.
Suriviving cheating (as the cheatee) might strengthen the person, but it sure as $h!t does NOT strengthen a marriage.
This article was wriiten from the female perspective because WOMEN CHEAT TOO! We have all read about the millions of men who cheat...over and over...women are no different and there is nothing wrong with viewing infidelity from a female light. We often have the view that women are "cheated on" and not the cheater. Adultery is not all it is cracked up to be and can destroy a family regardless of who is cheating. Thank you, author, for destroying the world's sad myth and misguided perception that cheating is fun, enjoyable and permissible if you are unhappy. If these are the hallmarks of your marriage, you need counselling...not another lover.
Really people, these "as long as it feels good, do it" attitudes are destroying society. There is still right and wrong, black and white, no matter how many times you want to believe in 50 shades of Grey!
Great article that people will probably over look or dismiss as we think we're all invinceable. I used to think I was above it all, didn't believe in divorce wouldn't imagine I would ever cheat and yet I did both, Well one led to the other. I cheated on my ex-husband today, 15 yrs ago and I live with the guilt everyday and not because I miss him or love him, but it was so wrong. Everything in the article is so dead on with making up excuses etc.
After the first child, things changed, I hated him, felt we grew a world apart. At this point we were together for about 10 yrs. I wasn't planning on an affair, but something clicked and I didn't say no. The moment felt right but left me a lifetime of regret. My ex and I tried to stay together, had another child but he couldn't forgive me or forget, at least that's how it felt. I hated him more as he was my excuse to having the affair in the first place and a daily reminder of such. At the end I only have myself to blame. The pain I caused our family, our children, our parents... will always be there in their eyes.
Today I'm in a loving relationship but the guilt continues to torment me and the broken family aspect is difficult even today after 15 years. Get over it? Not that easy... when kids are involved it's close to impossible.
So do yourself a favor, if the temptation arises, walk away and the rewards will be endless. If your marriage doesn't work than seek help and if all fails, then take the next step. A third person is NEVER the answer!
It comes down to culpability, responsibility, loyalty, integrity, respect, honour and giving a damn.
Clearly any excuses made are just that, excuses and not taking responsibility for your own actions.
Cheating, like lying or stealing and breaking promises are choices. Choices which not only affect the cheaters life, but also affect those close to them ie: spouse, children, extended family and friends and it does hurt.
Get off the bandwagon of blame, who cares at this point whether it is a male or female who wrote this or a male or female who cheated. Both male and female cheat.
If you are not happy in a marriage, do something about it and give your marriage the full monty and then some before you break a promise, trust and vow.
There are no excuses unless you are trying to avoid taking responsibility and seriously, something is wrong and it is not just cheating or a bad relationship. You have to look into yourself and be brutally honest.
One thing I know, being an out-door man; I saw good sound couples who never had any problems until the adventure left their partner, due to some incident in the family. Then this is how I thought about it, I once got caught in a forest incident, and being delayed, had no choice but to use a dangerous short cut, which involved using a trail with a dangerous ledge. It is for the faint hearted, and very scary, even for me. Sometimes I find myself looking for this moment, wanting to prove myself strong still and able enough to handle the stress of it. Cheating can be this way, knowing it is dangerous, can fall, can find yourself not able to go back or stop yourself. It becomes the only focus, everything else becomes a blur of excitement, until the worst happens, and one heart is always broken. This trail is dangerous, sometimes it ends alright, and others, changed forever.
In my opinion an emotional Affair is boarder line and I'd question it & some trust would be lost though it can be forgiven but not forgotten. The reason I say that isn't because I'm a jerk it's because I've never cheated (yeah there are a few know it all jerks out there who'd say other wise but you don't know me so shut up to the know it all A$$ H#$$) & an emotional Affair can lead to more & yes I'd care if I ever hurt a lover in anyway.
The article is from Ivillage.ca, which is a web magazine directed towards women so it's not unusual that the article would look at the issue from/towards women. I'm pretty sure everyone is clear that both sexes are capable of cheating.
I think the article covers everything that goes through the mind of a cheater after an affair ( even if was during pre-marriage dating ) and what everyone should consider if the thought of an affair is looming.
On that vein, most men cheat because their strong libido is constantly being aroused by what's around them outside the home. Plus they're probably not getting enough sex at home. So they have one-night stands, flings and affairs. They're emotions are not as involved because it's their sex drive that is driving the extra-marital activity. Men having affairs to get their emotional needs met is rare.
Most women tend to put their hearts and emotions into someone they're having sex with. It's in their nature, and it's what stokes their sex drive. Men are the other way around. Men say they feel more cheated on by their partners when she is emotionally attached to her lover. And that's why men, when caught, often say it didn't mean anything. Because to the man, there wasn't any emotional investment in the affair. So men's and women's hearts get broken for different reasons.
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