Women Cheat, Too: The Other Side of Ashley Madison
A third of the cheating website's members are women. Our male reporter met up with one of them.
It's not easy to meet a married woman on Ashley Madison. I learn this after dropping $20 to sign up (unlike female members, guys have to pay) and then another $150 on "credits" that I use to send messages to women on the site.
I am honest enough: single guy, (mostly) normal, (mostly) open.
I get zero responses. Turns out, the bulk of women on the site are looking only for cybersex, wanting to fill an emotional void.
Then the message finally comes: L., 42, an attractive mother of two. She's slightly older than many of the women on Ashley Madison — the average age of female members is 35 — and is atypical in the fact that she prefers single men. (She tried dating some of the married men but found them too paranoid. She also likes that unattached guys have apartments to go to instead of hotel rooms.)
- "I went undercover on Ashley Madison"
- Bing: Top signs your partner will cheat
- Lifestyle TV: Could you forgive a cheater?
She tells me she has "no clue" what she's looking for, just that it's not a committed relationship and it's not a one-night stand. But she doesn't want there to be any confusion about the future.
"Nobody was ever going to be better with my kids than my husband," she tells me over coffee after work. It's her idea to meet at Starbucks. She doesn't like bars, she explains. After more than a year of cheating on her husband with several partners, she wants to judge me with a clear head.
"I could trade him in for another guy," she goes on about her husband, "but that guy wouldn't be the father of my children."
Despite this, L. has no interest in sleeping with her husband anymore. He lied to her about money until it destroyed their relationship, and she gets visibly pained talking about it. But she isn't ready to clamp on a chastity belt. Enter Ashley Madison.
"I'm not looking to marry you," she says. "So I don't care if you're messy or watch sports all day. I'm not your wife."
With those words, I get a glimpse of what L.'s looking for: She wants a break. Not just from her husband but from the person she becomes when she's with him. She wants to get back at him without hurting her kids. She wants to flirt and feel sexy.
I find myself feeling sorry for her. I suspect she wishes that her husband wasn't a jerk. I suspect she doesn't like trolling a site for guys who live in bachelor pads with bare walls.
When she tries to kiss me, I turn my cheek, give her a hug, and say bye.
A few days later I get an email from L. saying she would like to meet again. I tell her it was nice meeting her but that Ashley Madison just isn't for me.
And I never hear from her again.
More from Redbook
- What He Thinks About (Besides You!) During Sex
- 10 Ways to Heat Up Your Love Life
- Foreplay Moves Men Secretly Crave
- 26 Fun, Cheap Date Ideas
- The 7 Biggest Beauty Sins
I still have credits on AM, though I haven't signed on in a long time. I set up the account about four years ago, and while I traded messages with a few women, nothing ever happened. I forgot I even had the account, almost...
A year ago I checked into my "secret" e-mail account and was surprised to find a woman had left a message on a profile I'd almost forgotten I had. We traded e-mail, and eventually met. She's married, too, and a professional who has to deal with the public, so she was very concerned about discretion.
We liked each other a lot, and I'll admit that even aside from the sex I was getting an acceptance from "Gloria" that I wasn't getting from my wife. Mind you, "she" didn't have to live with me from day to day, either. It was a fantasy, but a very immersive one. "Gloria" told me she loved me, and I think she meant it, too, but neither one of us wanted to leave our respective spouses.
My wife found out. She looked at my phone and found text messages, and within days I was out of the house. Fortunately, like the woman in this article, my wife valued me as a father, and we've actually worked things out quite well in the half-year or so since we've split.
I don't know if it was "worth it", exactly. My wife and I weren't happy, and we probably shouldn't have been together anymore, but I didn't have the balls to leave on my own. Oddly enough, while there was a VERY bad patch at the beginning where she felt (rightly) bitter and betrayed, she decided to forgive me and since we've been good friends. We've thought about getting back together, but it's going to take a lot of counseling and time on our own before we make a decision on that.
No, an affair isn't "theraputic". Sure, the risk makes it fun, but take a very long, hard look at what you're putting on the table... It's probably more than you thought...
Was there a point to this article? I certainly hope that the only point of this article was to prove that women have affairs. Poorly written and lacking any type of insight as well. Trite MSN filler. The companion article, however, was well written and actually managed to plumb the depths of what drives married people to a site like Ashley Madison. Save your time, skip this article and jump directly over to the companion that, like the site it is profiling, provides a respite from the inane ramblings of this tripe.
Every girl cheats... All girls will cheat on you. Trust me on this Your girlfriend or wife will cheat on you. The reason I know this is because I worked at a bar, The most girls I screwed were either married or had a boyfriend.. Girls between 35-40 will **** right in the parking lot. Some will even give u money buy you stuff whatever u want. So if your reading this and you are a guy and married get a divorce right now. Your wife is craving another guys....
She dreams about it, She constantly thinks about it. Trust me ALL GIRLS CHEAT
Strong believer, hear your own words, "affairs are important for marriages to succeed".
Strong believer, ask anyone what your own words say about You.
What excites you most about fall?
Thanks for being one of the first people to vote. Results will be available soon. Check for results
- Cooler weather
- Cozy fashion
- Kids are back in school
- I'm NOT excited about fall
- None of the above