True story: My friend David got mugged at a bank machine by a beautiful, leggy, sexy woman.
"Actually, it might have been a transvestite," David corrected himself.
"It's okay if you were mugged by a woman," I told him, smiling.
Now embarrassed, David said, "The more I think about it, the more I'm sure he was a transvestite."
I laughed but was also intrigued by why David would be so embarrassed to be mugged by a beautiful, leggy, sexy woman, but not a man.
The story represents what I view as an ongoing problem for women today. There's still a disconnect between a woman being "beautiful, leggy, sexy" and being powerful—even in a low-level career like mugger.
Almost from the introduction of the word "feminism" into our world, the definition has become corroded to mean something less than complimentary than its original intent. Somewhere along the line, to be a feminist started to mean a woman who's basically unattractive both in looks and spirit.
I find this negative connotation to be shameful and highly unhelpful. Women could truly benefit from finding a more inspiring word than "feminism" to stand by, as well as stand for, when seeking to become our most powerful and successful selves. We don't have to make a choice between feminine or powerful and successful. We can be all those things.
With this in mind, I'd like to put forth that starting today, the word "feminism" be updated to become the new word "feminine-ism."
My goal is to inspire women to embrace being their fullest potential selves—feminine, sexy, warm, loving—everything the word "feminine" stands for, alongside strong qualities like powerful and successful.
It's a personal mission of mine—evident in a range of my books—to help empower women to live their most fulfilling, self-loving and happiest lives. And so it especially excites me to help get this word "feminine-ism" into the vernacular.
And I feel this word's arrival is coming just in time.
I see too many women these days rushing around trying to do it all, but meanwhile they're not being it all! They're not being their fullest, best feminine selves. Instead, they're being tougher than they'd like to be as well as more exhausted, strident and irritable, thereby feeling unattractive inside and out. All while suffering from guilt over the stuff they did not manage to squeeze into their over-booked schedules.
I know this firsthand because I've personally experienced this over-emphasis on doing, doing, doing so I might become my most powerful writer-girl self. Which is why my firsthand knowledge is an unmanicured hand and a lot of the time I feel exhausted, emotionally depleted, and not my most sexy or feminine self and therefore not my most powerful self either.
The irony? Whenever I do take the time to tap into "feminine-ism"—this energy of simply being by indulging in a meditative and self-nurturing manicure, a facial or a hot bubble bath—that's when I feel my most powerful.
As a card-carrying "feminine-ist," I am here to tell you that feeling sexy is what helps me to be my most powerful and successful self, and being powerful and successful also helps me feel damn sexy! As "feminine-ists," we definitely don't need to make the choice between feminine or powerful and successful. We should and must try to embrace both choices simultaneously.
With this in mind, I've got to say, I love the idea of bringing the words "feminine-ist" and "feminine-ism" into our common parlance. Hopefully they open up an important dialog about how to consciously tap into our true feminine energies as we strive to succeed in accomplishing our goals and dreams.
Another good thing about bandying about words like "feminine-ist" and "feminine-ism"? Men can join in the bandying!
With the word "feminism," it might have been embarrassing for a man to say he was a supporter because it might sound like he was admitting to supporting of a group of controlling, bitchy women. But with new pro-sexiness, pro-sweetness, pro-balance words like "feminine-ist" and "feminine-ism," what's not for a man to love?
Plus, these are words men can and should stand by, and stand for, in their own lives. I can definitely envision my fiancé proudly calling himself a "feminine-ist" because he's in touch with both his feminine and masculine sides, and he loves when I am able to tap into this dynamic duo of sexiness and powerfulness in myself.
It seems that America has been fighting against the perception of being feminine for a while now—wanting to appear tough and strong, and afraid of appearing weak by admitting a need for help. If you compare America to countries in the East, you'll see what I mean. If America were to be personified, it would definitely be a real guy's guy—running around, talking loudly, smacking you on the back in greeting, occasionally belching—a lovable, rambunctious guy's guy.
Now, imagine a country like India personified. It would embrace more feminine qualities like stillness, meditativeness and spirituality.
My point? All of us—both men and women—need to consciously try to get in better touch with our feminine energies. When we deny the existence and the benefits of either our male or female sides, we exhaust our spirits since each side is the shadow of the other. As the Taoists say, "When you pick up one end of the stick, the other end comes up with it."
Any attempts to fight against or ignore either our male or female sides wastes as much energy as a cat chasing after its shadow on a wall. We need to stop thinking about picking an either/or when it comes to "doing" versus "being" and learn to accept and develop both these actions.
The truth is, it's both possible and highly rewarding to be a "feminine-ist" and embrace both feminine energies and masculine energies at the same time— like walking while chewing gum and checking your BlackBerry.
Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome.
By Karen Salmansohn from Oprah.com © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
While reading this article I thought: "wow this woman could write a book about what she doesn't know or understand about feminism...., oh wait! She already did!" Tell you what, Karen, if you can pledge to help do something about the FACT that women in North America make 76 cents to every male dollar, that the has been no elected female president in the US, that Roe vs Wade wants to take away women's rights to control and make decisions for their bodies, that the only industry where women make more than man is prostitution and pornography, that single mothers constitute the largest group of people living below the poverty line and they are the least likely to ever cross that line....if you can pledge to help feminists with the very REAL work they do every day, darling you can call us whatever you want.
While reading this article I thought: "wow this woman could write a book about what she doesn't know or understand about feminism...., oh wait! She already did!" Tell you what, Karen, if you can pledge to help do something about the FACT that women in North America make 76 cents to every male dollar, that the has been no elected female president in the US, that Roe vs Wade wants to take away women's rights to control and make decisions for their bodies, that the only industry where women make more than man is prostitution and pornography, that single mothers constitute the largest group of people living below the poverty line and they are the least likely to ever cross that line....if you can pledge to help feminists with the very REAL work they do every day, darling you can call us whatever you want.
lol Where's the love? No wonder grownups are called grumps...
Yes, there are females out there that are pretty immature, self-sentered, and have no respect or what not. But there's also a bunch who DO respect others and play well in the sandbox. Would all of you mind not generalizing? It makes the rest of us look bad! Nobody's perfect, but not all females (or males...) are the definition of evil either.
And eek a "real woman only needs attention"? I never want to grow up if that's what I have to look forward to...I prefer mutual respect. And I beg to differ that the only industry where women can make more than men is prostitution and pornography...I make more than the guys I work with and I'm not working as either one of those, not even close. But then again, I'm not a "woman" just yet, so maybe that'll change magically next few years...
wow, apparently post-colonialism never happened...
I'm appalled at the comments that people have written here. All of you women out there, who have commented on this article or who have thought about praising the advent of the new word "feminine-ist," just remember all of those fantastic FEMINISTS who have worked tirelessly for you to vote, to work (for you to assume an occupational position in the public sphere and for your "unpaid labour" in the private sphere to be recognized as praiseworthy and justifiable work), to assume space, to have rights over your body and reproductive abilities, to be recognized as an intelligent "person" or "human being," to be recognized as being more than a mere body, that is, more than a mere commodification for men to use, to sell, to rape, to consume, and to appropriate and distort with their gazes.
Those who proclaim to hate "feminists" invariably hate women. Those who have the common indecency to say that "women should be women, and men should be men" should think about gender perfomativity, listen to ani difranco, take a gender studies course, pick up a book that wasn't written by some pompous misogynist and think about the direction this world is heading in.
It's time to re-evaluate your preconceptions of all women, lesbians, and/or feminists. That our presence generates fear in you, is not our problem. That we have learnt to love ourselves and our bodies is perhaps enough for you to despise us, but it's just simply not enough to stop us. So start re-evaluating. It's the key to self-reflexivity. It's the key to change. It's the key to happiness.
In my opinion feminism is the theory of political, economical, and social equality of the sexes. And started by women who saw the need for equality. Yes, we can keep our natural beauty which is part of our gender but we work on our rights which is as a human being very normal.
There are a few DIFFERENT views of feminism:Liberal Feminism, works within the structure of mainstream society to integrate women into that structure
Radical Feminism they view the oppression of women as the most fundamental form of oppression, one that cuts across boundaries of race, culture, and economic class.
Marxist and Socialist Feminism, they i that the only way to end the oppression of women is to overthrow the capitalist system
Cultural Feminism cultural feminism retreated to vanguardism, working instead to build a women's culture
Eco-Feminism: much more spiritual than political or abstract in nature.